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THE VALUE OF GOOD MANNERS
Anyone who attends dancing parties,
public or private, should know not only
how to dance fairly well, but should
also know what to do and what to say.
Many little points of courtesy must be
kept in mind continually. These cour-
tesies may seem trivial, but their im-
portance cannot be overestimated.
A rude act is rarely forgotten, and its
damaging influence may be felt not
only in society, but also in business.
One's manners are an index to one's
character. The major{ty of the people
whom we know are not real friends but
merely acquaintances who know us
only superficially and judge us by our
personal appearance and manners. If
we would be judged favorably, we
must be well-mannered.
Good manners should be practiced
persistently and faithfully until they
become habitual. The true gentleman
always does the right thing automatic-
ally, without thinking. It would be
impossible for him to be discourteous.
To be on one's "company behaviour"
is a dreadful strain. A person, ordi-
narily uncouth, and ill-mannered, is a
most pathetic'sight at a party, when
vainly trying to remember all of his
"company manners." To avoid this,
have "company manners" all of the
time !
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Discourtesies are the result of igno-
rance and of forgetfulness. If yours are
the result of ignorance, let this little
book serve as a friendly teacher; if of
forgetfulness, lct it be a timely re-
minder.
THE MODERN DANCES
After a stormy and chaotic period of
dance revolution, and constant chang-
ins, dancing has once more become
settled. The one-step and fox-trot have
become standardized, and the steps are
now sane and practical.
The days of "dance bluffing" have
passed. The good dancers in all parts
of the nation are dancing certain defi-
nite steps. If you do not know what
these steps are, be wise--take a few
dancing lessons and find out. You will
be well repaid for the small sum iu-
vested and you will spare yourself and
your friends much discomfort and
annoyance.
GETTING DRESSED FOR THE
PARTY
If the party is to b6 formal, it is the
duty of every guest to dress formally,
the lady in decollete own, the man in
dress suit. To appear in informal at-
tire would be an insult to the host or
hostess. When taking a young woman
to a'formal party, it is customary for
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the man to send her flowers and to hire
a taxi. Sending flowers is not abso-
lutely necessary; it depends upon the
man's pocketbook; if he can afford
them, they vill please his friend im-
mensely, because every woman loves
flowers. At school and college parties
it is quite common to issue "a ban on
flowers."
Before going to a dance, bathe well
and replace all of the garments worn at
work with fresh, clean ones. A dancer
should be as clean as possible--in per-
son and in garments. "'Dirty linen and
unclean fingernails have lost many a
man a good job." An offensive body
odor detected from a dancer proves
that soap and water and frequent bath-
ing are to him unknown quantities. In
the ballroom, unclean skin, clothes and
handkerchiefs are unpardonable.
Always carry at least three or four
clean handkerchiefs to a dance, and use
them if your hands perspire. The lady
should hold a clean one in her right
hand while dancing, and the man
should hold one in his right to protect
the lady's gown.
Shoes make a vast difference in one's
dancing and should be chosen very
carefully. It is altogether possible to
dance beautifully in one pair of shoes,
and to be awkvardness, personified in
another. Clumsy dancing is very often
due to clmnsy shoes. Invest in a pair
of shoes made especially for dancing,
wear them only for dancing. After
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foremost form of recreation and social
intercourse. We go to a dance to have
a good time and to see that others have
a good time. The spirit of the ball-
room is one of good-will, kindness, and
consideration of others. Do your part
to maintain this spirit. Do not cause
others embarrassment or discomfort.
Do not talk about other people or say
anything about them that you would
not like them to hear.
When you attend a party always ar-
rive and leave at the appointed time.
If all the guests should arrive an hour
or so late and leave an hour or so early
the party would be ruined and the host
greatly grieved.
Always greet the host and hostess up-
on arrizal, and when you depart tell
them that you appreciated the invita-
tion, and had an enjoyable time. In
the case of dancilg classes, and assem-
blies in academies or studios, it is cour-
teous to greet the teacher and to say
good-bye when you leave.
At a dance where all of the men are
gentlemen, there are no "vallflowers."
It is the duty of every man to seek out
the ladies who have no partners and
dance with them. As long as there are
partners to be had. it is the duty of the
man to dance. Being "too tired" is a
poor excuse ; any able bodied man ought
to be able to dance a program of dances
without sitting out and resting during a
portion of them.
At a private party, the gentlemen
guests should offer to dance with the
hostess or members of her family.
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At a party, whcrc all of the guests
know each other, it is inexcusable for
any man to go home alone, and let the
women go home unescorted. It is the
gentleman's duty to see that all of the
ladies are properly escorted home. He
should escort one or two, or three- if
necessary.
THE STAG
The success of many daucing parties
is endangered by the presence of a
large number of "stags." A stag is a
fellow who comes alone or with other
fellows. He offers a variety of excuses
for not having escorted a lady. In
some cases, it is a shortage of funds : iu
others, the inability to "make a dae."
Translated from slang to English,
"make a date" means that a man makes
arrangements with some young lady to
accompany him. Usually, the stag is a
fellow whose chief fault is procrastina-
tion. He does not plan to go to the
dance far enough in advance to allow
himself time to invite a lady tb accomp-
any him.
Those stags who block the doorway
of the dance hall, while smoking cigar-
ettes, and remarking about the dancers,
without offering to take part, should
have stayed at home.
The man who brings a lady to a
party and euters into the spirit of the
dance and of making others happy, is
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sure to be rewarded by having a better
time himself and by feeling that he has
helped to make others have a good
time.
A stranger in town, a man who has
no lady friends, is an exception to the
ruling against stags. In order to be-
come acquainted it is proper for him to
go alone.
THE PROGRAMS
The programs are distributed at the
door, in the cloak room, or during a
grand march. It is the duty of the man
to make out the programs for the lady
whom he has escorted to the dance and
for himself. It is best to make out the
proorams all at once and as early in the
evening as possible.
The method of filling out the pro-
grams, when all of the men have
brought ladies, is to "trade straight
across." This means that two couples
arrange to exchange a dance, the man
of the first couple dancing with the
lady of the second, and the man of the
second with the lady of the first.
Since the man has charge of filling
the programs he should consider the
preferences of his lady, and secure for
her the partners she would most enjoy.
He should not dance with an uneseort-
ed lady unless he has first made ar-
ran, ffements with someone to dance
with his own partner.
During the evening the lady should
not be left alone except for the few
minutes when her escort is locating a
new partner, and bringing him to her
to be introduced.
In regard to the number of dances to
keep with one's partner, times have
changed, and it is permissible for a
young woman to dance several times
with the gentleman who has brought
her to the party. It is quite proler to
exchange only half of the dances.
There are two reasons in this change
of opinion. At the dancing parties in
cities, large schools, or college, it
would be impossible to find more than
a half dozen people whom you know
and desire to dance with. The second
reason is modern dancing. It is not
considered a very great pleasure to
dance ten dances with ten different part-
ners, all of whom may be but mediocre
dancers.
It is nearly impossible to dance at
your very best with a person with
whom you have never before danced.
Today, the chief pleasure of dancin is
in kowing how to dance well with a
few partners, and not badly with many.
E,h man has certain peculiarities in
his dancing;he has an individual style
which is slightly different from that of
every other dancer. In order to follow
well, a lady nust become perfectly
familiar with her partner's particular
dance style, and this can but rarely be
accomplished during the course of a
single dance number.
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This "individualism" in dancing
makes the dancing more interesting
and enjoyable, and makes it more of an
"art." People do not dance alike any
more than they would walk exactly
alike. Observe people walking on the
streets and you will soon discover that
no two of them walk just the same.
]y dancing every other dance with
one's partner, one will learn how to
dance well with that partner and will
facilitate the problem of introductions
and the finding of partners. At a .vcry
large party, it is always wlse to appoint
a meeting place for the persons with
whom dances have been arranged.
[n filling out a program, the man
should write his name on the first line
of his lady's program, and her name on
his. To indicate their dapces, a double
cross xx should be used. In trading
dances, care should be taken to write
the correct name on the correct line
and in the right program.
In case one is learning how to dance,
it is wise to "sit out" a few dances, and
have consideration for one's partner.
If you must "cut a dance" because
you are leaving early or for some other
reason, apologize to the couple whose
dance you are mltting.
At a progra:q dance where tl]e men
and women come separately, each one
keeps his or her own program. When
the man invites a lady to dance he
writes his name on her program after
the number they decide to dance to-
gether.
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YVhen there are no programs, the
man says, "May I have this dance?"
whereupou she replies,. "Certainly," or
"Yes." He should not say, "Have you
this dance?" This question is imperti-
nent. Whether or not she has the
dance previously engaged does not
really concern him. What he wants to
kuow is whether she vill give the
dance to him [
It is a woman's privileg'e to refuse to
dance if she is tired or indisposed, but
if she refuses to accept the invitation of
one man she must not give the same
dance to another.
THE GRAND MARCH
Upon entering the dance hall, the
lady should precede th man and the
chaperone should precede the younger
lady. As soon as the music begins, the
men should immediatelv find partners
for the march or dauc, whichever it
may be.
A formal party is opened with a
Grand March. The host and hostess
aud members of the family lead the
march. At a subscription ball, the
chairmau of the committee and his lady
are the leaders. The members of the
committee follow next, and then the
other guests.
In the march theman should present
his right arm to the lady, she rests her
finger tips in the crook of his arm. The
couples should march in step and in
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time to the music; they should step on
the left on the accented beat of the
music. The man should gauge the
length of his step by that of his partner.
THE DANCING
It is not necessary o hold one's part-
ner so close that breathing is ahnost
impossible, to say nothing of dancing.
The mau or woman who draws the
partner closely lacks a sense of pro-
priety. To dance in close position with
some dancers is almost unbearable;
stumbling, crnshed feet, knocked knees,
and general discomfort are the result.
Some people say that they cannot
dance far apart ; they should notice that
superior dancers can dance at any dis-
tance from the partner. Difficult steps
may be executed more satisfactorily
when the partners are not close to-
gether. If a faulty step occurs one can
look down at the partner's feet and get
into step immediately.
The man should do all of the leading.
If the lady tries to lead, he should ask
her not to. It is impossible to dance
well when both try to lead.
\,Vhen beginning to dance the one-
step or trot, the man should not lead
fancy combinations, until he has led the
plain walkiug steps long enough to be-
come adjusted to the time .of the music
and the steps of his partner.
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hand nnder her left elbow. When the
floor is very slippery and when a girl
is wearing shoes with high French
heels, she will appreciate this little
courtesy.
THE INTERMISSION
The man should stand until the lady
is seated, and then take the chair at
her left. It is not proper for the lady
to sit with her knees crossed, and it is
not healthful for either man or woman.
It is a btd habit, it impairs the circula-
tion and is said to cause rheumatism,
hardening of the arteries, and other dis-
eases.
During the intermission, the man
should remain with his partner, and
not leave until the music begins again.
VVhen he leaves he should thank her
for the dance and ask to be excused.
Do not settle dovn and go to sleep
during the intermission. You must
entertain your partner, and whether or
not you feel so inclined, you must talk,
not incessantly of course, but now and
then you must say something. I[ you
remain glum and silent, your partner
will think that you are stupid, bashful,
or rude.
THE CONVERSATION
It is very easy to find things to say
to otlr best friends, but it is sometimes
very difficult to talk to strangers. To
start with nothing and eventually de-
velop an intensely interesting conver-
sation is an accomplishment of which
one should be proud.
Remember hov much there is in this
world that we do not know. Every per-
son we meet can teach us something
that we have not known before. Meet-
ing strangers is the most fascinating
and interesting privilege that we pos-
sess. To the man or woman who is
alert and eager to seize every opportu-
nity to gain knowledge, this is an edu-
cation in itself.
\'hen you first meet a person, meet
him with an open mind, free from prej-
udice and hasty judgments. Make
yourself think that you are going to
like him, and keep on thinking this
until he does something definite to
make you change your mind.
To start the conversation, try to find
out what he is most interested in. ls
it his work, recreation, or some hobby ?
A clever person can find this out in a
very fev minutes, and then the ques-
tion will be how to stop the conversa-
tion and not how to start it. Listen
well and be interested in what he is
saying. Encouraged by your apparent-
ly genuiue interest in his words, he will
talk on and on. Learn how to listen
well and you will not have to do much
of the talking; everyone will talk to
you. The old saying, "Give a man a
good listener and he will tell all he
knows," works unfailingly with both
men and women. Nobody is going to
talk to you if your eyes are roving else-
where and if your face is blank and ex-
pressionless, or if you shoxv plainly that
you have no interest in what the other
person is saying.
Always go half way in making con-
versation; do not ansxver question after
question with a blunt monosyllable.
This is hardly civil; it exasperates the
other party and causes him to dislike
you. Do your part to keep the conver-
sational ball rolling.
In a croYvd of friends, do not melt
into the backgronnd and let the olhers
do all of the talking. I)o not let {hem
forget that you are present. ]ush your-
self to the front, say something, don't
be a nonentity. It is not necessary to
dominate the conversation, but exi{ress
yourself occasionally and show that
you are wide awake and interested in
what is going on.
If you have nothing to say it is either
because you won't make the effort to
talk or because you bave no store of
knowledge from which to draw facts.
If the latter is true, begin at once to
study, observe, and read good books
and magazines. Educate yourself. The
more educated a man is the more in-
teresting he is, and the more things he
has to talk about.
THE INTRODUCTION
At a dance, when a man is introduced
to a lady by a mutual friend, he is ex-
pected to invite her to (lance. If he
does not do this, he is making a de-
cided breach of etiquette. If his dances
are all engaged, he should tell her so,
and apologize.
Introduce a man to a woman, not
vice versa. Use any one of these forms
of introduction :
Miss Harris, allow me to present
Mr. Brown.
Miss Harris, allow me to intro-
duce Mr. Brown.
Miss Harris, I want you to meet
Mr. Brown..
Miss Harris, Mr. Brown.
A man who is seated should rise
when introduced to a lady. She may
offer to shake hands, but-a slight bow
is sufficient. A man should always
shake hands when introduced to an-
other man.
A lady who is seated should rise
when introduced to an older lady.
When introduced to a young woman it
is optional, and depends upon circum-
stances. A lady necd not rise whelt
introduced to a man.
When introduced, say something
definite, do not mumble confusedly.
Say, "How do you do?" or "I am glad
to know you." \hen you make this
remark, look at the other person in a
frank, straightforward lnanner. It is
insulting to let your eyes wander and
to appear wholly unconcerned about
the person to whom you are being in-
troduced.
When introducing people, be very
careful to pronounce their names dis-
tinctly. At formal parties, ridiculous
mistakes are made by members of the
reception committee. Names are dis-
torted beyond all recognition. This
is due to haste and the mumbling of
names; it would be well to take a little
more time and pronolmce each name
clearly and correctly.
Every man, woman, and child should
cultivate a strong, sincere, convincing
hand clasp. Your hand clasp is vastly
important. At an introduction, you
must create the most favorable impres-
sion possible. The first impression is
usually lasting. It may be the begin-
ning of an everlasting friendship, or it
may mean that the person does not
want to have anything further to do
with you.
"When you say, "I am glad to kno,
you," back it up with a firm hand clasp,
a smile, and a sincere look of the eye.
Observe people who are being intro-
duced, try to determine by watching
their eyes, face, and hand clasp wheth-
er or not they are telling the truth
when they say, "I am glad to know
you."
Some men shake hands like little
girls, not like men. The clasp is weak,
clammy, and meaningless. When you
know nothing else about a man except
a hand clasp like that, you cannot help
but judge him by it, and that judgment
cannot be favorable.
At most public dances, there is an
official present who would be glad to
introduce those who ask for introduc-
tions, if there is no such official, it is
proper for a man to introduce himself
to a lady and then invite her to dance.
I-Ie should not feel hurt if he is refused.
At a public dance a man must take a
chance at having his invitations accept-
ed. He might ask a lady who has come
to the dance with her own personal
friends, and of course she would refuse
to dance xvith a stranger when her own
friends are present.
A man, if refused, should not be dis-
couraged but should ask other ladies,
there will surely be ladies who will be
glad to dance with him.
It is not considered good form to be-
come familiar with persons met in this
way at a public dance. After dancing
with a person, let the acquaintance
drop .right there unless introduced by a
mutual friend. In this event, it would
be proper for the gentleman to escort
the lady to her home and to ask per-
mission to call.
THE CIRCLE TWO-STEP
The ohject of introducing circle two-
steps and other cotillion figures into
our present day dancing parties, is to
"mix the crowd," to make all of the
dancers acquainted and to break up the
ever present cliques.
Every dancer should enter into these
other girls. The popular girl knows
how to lead other girls, and she can
have a wonderful time dancing with
girls when there are not enough boys
to go around.
Don't be a "clam," but talk and enter-
tain your partners. To be popular
you must be a cleTer talker and a
good listener.
I'on't be boisterous and try to attract
attention to yourself by loud xvords
and laughter. They attract only
criticism and ridicule. The popular
person does not shout when he talks.
Dc.n't think that going just half way
will win popularity. The successful
person in business or society goes
more than half way and does more
than is exl)ected of him. Do more in
the way of kindncss than is expected
of you.
Don't refuse to dance with one person-
and then dance with another. This
always creates hard feelings.
Don't blush and stammer. Be com-
posed, and forg.et about yourself;
think more of other people. Self-
consciousness is a phase of selfish-
ness.
Don't be afraid of other people; don't
think that everyone is watching you.
Other people think that you are
watching them !
Don't refuse to dance with someone
who is learning how to dance; help
him, and he will always remember
your kindness and thoughtfulness.
Everyone is at some time a poor
dancer.
Don't forget, girls, that the secret of
becoming popular with your boy
friends is to always make them feel
at ease. Learn how to feel at home
when. at parties, and then make your
friends feel the same way.
Don't forget that you are most attrac-
tive when you are just your true self;
don't assume an affected air. The
person who is guilty of "putting on
airs" at parties is hopelessly silly and
foolish.
Don't get into the habit of talking
"small talk." It is meaningless and
uninteresting. Say something that
is worth while, sensible, and intelli-
gent. "Small talk," when used con-
tinually, i'ndicates the "small mind."
Don't show your displeasure, conceal
it. If someone has hurt your feelings,
cast .the injury aside, forget it. It
hurts the offender more than it does
you.
Don't monopolize the best dancers,
boys; appreciate the fact that at
dances the girls are in a helpless, per-
haps unjust position, because they
must wait to be invited to dance
Please be considerate!
Don't be grouchy, a smile is priceless.
"Smiles and kindness are like a
boomerang; if you send them out
they will come straight back to you."
3O
LIKE PEOPLE,
AND THEY WILL LIKE YOU!
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